Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Waiting for love

You see that boy on the left--that's me. You see that girl sitting next to him--I wish I knew someone like her. All my life, since as long back as I can remember--I've always wanted something akin to having what's being portrayed in that photograph. A lot of people have told me it's not possible (it's the stuff that dreams/Hollywood movies are made of). It's something I've told myself repeatedly, too, to no avail unfortunately.

Believe me--it's not that I'm stupid; it's just that I'd rather believe in the notion of true love however impractical it may seem. Someday, someway, maybe I might meet that special someone who had been searching for the same thing that I had all my life. And wouldn't we make a great couple... who knows? Until then, I'm going to keep my eyes open. Yeah, that's what I've decided after posting this thread on AskMe. I'm going to become much more proactive in searching for my soul-mate, even if it means forgoing some of the old traditional aspects of falling in love--like running into each other somewhere; becoming friends first, and then slowly realizing that we were meant to be much more than that; or rescuing a damsel in distress and falling hopelessly in love (I don't know why the last scenario sounded so appealing to me when I was a teenager). Now, I wonder--what if she's not the one I'm searching for--why would I want to marry her? Maybe I was just supposed to save her--period! Ah, youth--what a perplexing stage of life.

So, yes--having decided to be much more forthright in my approach--I decided to do something that I absolutely--never--ever imagined myself doing: I logged onto a couple of matrimonial sites, and became a member. How has this changed my perception of what I thought love was all about--well, for one thing--it's a lot more visual than I thought it would ever be. The first thing that you're hit with when you log onto one of these sites are the profiles, and with the profiles, the accompanying photographs. Of course, if the person has chosen not to have posted a photograph, then you obviously wonder "why"? What's wrong. Not that there has to be anything wrong, but you're just curious.

Especially if you're one of those people who wants someone with a cheerful face, someone who when you see your whole day lights up, and you want to do something special for them. And what I've realized from my own experience is that--it's what you've got on the inside that will automatically show up on the outside as well. So if a person has got a vibrant, down-to-earth, soulful personality--it's probably a true reflection of the type of person she is on the inside. Unless she's a sociopath, and there's very little hope for me to be weeding out those in any case.

I wish I could write some more about the wonderful ladies that I've met so far on these wonderful sites, and by met I mean--have gotten the chance to read their profiles, gotten to know a little bit about their lives and aspirations, and what kind of person they're looking for. But they might not approve, so I'll leave it at that.

Except for this: a gentleman who appears to be the "Parent/Guardian" of a prospective bride showed interest in me in a rather peculiar way, by first criticizing my profile because I was honest enough to write about my relationship with my Parents (even though I mentioned how much it's improved since then) and suggesting that the mistake that they made was to have had me in the first place, or at least that's what I gather from what he was saying. After which, he goes on to introduce his daughter and tell me how "innocent and god fearing she is". God, why do people have to call their children "innocent". Man, I DON'T WANT AN INNOCENT WIFE. I want a wife with claws, who can fight for herself, goddammit. So, it's no surprise that I've left his mail unanswered. I thought blocking him would be taking things a bit too far, but if he gives me any more advice about how I should write my own frickin' profile, I'll delete his ass.

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